Word to the retarded

If someone needs help,

do it out of the kindness of your heart.

Don't,

tell a person you helped out that they "used" you.

If you buy someone a gift,

do it because you love them,

not as collateral for an impending fine this person may have to pay back to you in the future.

INDIAN GIVERS SUCK.

and if you are one,

this is to you my retarded reader.

Withdraw yourself from the world of giving and just be selfish straight off,

its what the rest of us do to secure ourselves from mishaps like giving what you don't have.

you won't get a saintly metal because it blows up in your face,

and you won't get fufillment from the reciever because they will regardless of your intention for them ( unaware controling bastard) do what they please.

so when someone says "take care"

damn it your # 1

and to all of those who understand this,

anonomyus emails never hurt anyone.

:)

Hope growth please

Lost my phone at work.

very frustrating.

hit and run has got me freaking.

very annoying.

and falling in love with a fantasy has got me set up for dissapointment.

once,
just once.

could things work out better than imagined? expected?

ever dreamed?

oh by some chance of fate could my god have a surprise waiting?

him saying,

"this is exactly what I wanted for you all along.

and everything in your life was leading up to this point Katelin"

what a magical revalation that would be.

but here I take it with ease before my mind spoils it.

hearts in it to win it.

but I crave structure and direction.

I crave romance and role models, who can be peers  who can be dears,

dear Lord,
this life sweeps me to a point of waiting to be off my feet,

and to dance like only you would believe.

I don't care that no one here knows what I'm capable of!

not anymore.

I know exactly what I am capable of and I ask ever so gently for that structure and path,

for a hope growth romance.

you built me for this my dear, sweet Jesus.

you sing to me in the night,

but my dear  he sings to me in my life.

he senses the place where I lie,

and he ponders all of the reasons why!

he aches for me to rise!

his heart is in his eyes,

and I see it,

my dear I love you for it.

but to believe the way I do,

the way that is only clear to you,

I worry about meeting the one I adore for he is my hope,
 and I his muse.

he stands behind me this time around,

he says that he is much older now,

I love him,

but I know my dear,
I do not need him so.

A bluff he called,
hes older now you see.

I am older now the key,

I realize for the two of us to meet in perfect harmony,

is you.

my love,

My dear sweet precious Jesus,

is you.

make me new,

make me clean,

lead me there,

I beg of thee.

and if  it doesn't come to be I still will praise and worship.

Jesus Name  put christ before me.

Put christ before me.

shed light on the road please.

Love Kate

Wicked imagination construction

Before we defeat our demons.

Before I do,

I have to recognize them.

and, I do.

Defeation is a process for me.

I realized yesterday that I torture myself over them.

to worry at all is trouble.
when a worry is misplaced it is clear.

Like in a dream.

to worry about my health in Meijer will have no affect but a headache and overcompensating with the purchase of health items such as
20 dollar green tea concentrate
or 40 dollar vitamins i won't take.

I need to see a doctor to relieve this anxiety,
and it feels damn good to type this out and realize, how much time and money I have wasted.


how much life my anxiety has wasted.
and how much security I lack from it.

like in a dream I had in sixth grade,

where Lisa Kudrow ( phoebe from friends) is teaching my english lesson.

which by whatever means did not strike me as odd, but what did in fact,
was learning about english in my history classroom.

when I discovered the Truth. (key word)

I exclaimed to everyone, what was going on,
and it was then, and only then,
that I became in control.

Lets make fear ridiculous.